Hello, It’s me....

5:44 PM

I’m back, for probably the bazzilionth time.

This time it’s because life is getting blah and I need to work on my sanity. And stress levels.

So let’s do that thing, where I update you on everything that’s been happening.


  1. Tanner and I (the boy who I referred to in one of my posts) are dating and have been now for over a year! *cue crowd applause*. It was an emotional rollercoaster, but in the end so worth it. I have never felt so in love or so loved by another human.
  2. I am working in my field! I get to work with itty, bitty humans (children if you did’t catch on, although working with draws would be interesting as well) and teach parents about their kids and their development! So freaking happy because I’m actually challenged.
  3. I went to Europe for 5 weeks and it was glorifying. Literally one of the most magical moments. We went to England, Scotland, Amsterdam, Belgium, France (just Paris), and ended in Switzerland. And the terrible thing is I cannot wait to go back. Europe just captivates my soul and makes me feel so at home. 
                                     
   4. I have applied for graduate school for my Masters in Counselling Psychology! Now let’s pray I  
       get in.
   5. The main reason I am writing this post, I’m sick.


Now let’s clarify “I’m sick”. I’m not dying. I mean, I really hope not! But since October I have been consistently bleeding from my rear end. Like every time I go. Obviously, this is not normal. And you would THINK doctors would have warning bells ringing, but funny enough I was not taken seriously until I explained my symptoms and he looked perplexed. My symptoms didn’t match what he was already diagnosing. He literally sat across from me and said “I don’t know”

I. Don’t. Know.

Now readers, was I shocked? No. For years I have been a medical anomaly, and have often heard this phrase. But I think the frustrating part is this whole experience since November has been just more questions with no answers.

I have done so many tests and everything comes back normal, but I know what I am feeling is not normal. But I look normal so how does someone take that seriously? So now I’m in this limbo where all signs so far are pointing to having Colitis, I just need a colonoscopy to actually confirm it. And I was okay with this. This was a possible answer finally. But the frustrating part is I can’t get anything to help me until I get the actual diagnosis, which I’m on two waitlists for. I did get one appointment..... in March.

So now here I am, trying to find ways to deal with my body literally going to war with itself without making things worse. I’m at my wits end, because I’m fucking beat. Somedays I wake up feeling so sore all over my body. Like I just ran a triathlon. Or other days I wake up so nauseous that it physically causes me pain to even drink anything. Or I have 5-7 poop attacks in one day. Like yesterday. In a span of 2 and a half hours I had 4 poop attacks. And I’m ALWAYS tired. No matter how many hours of sleep I get, no matter how many naps. I’m tired.

I’m only 22 but I feel like I’m trapped in a 60 year olds body. And what was I to do? I was told I would just have to wait.

But screw that. Wait. I’m not waiting, and neither should anyone else! Be proactive about your health. Be proactive about yourself and your life! 

I bought myself a recipe book and did research to better understand my flare ups because colitis was just thrown at me like I already knew the term. No one told me what it is, what to expect, or what to do in the mean time. Then I bought probiotics from HUM Nutrition (which I highly recommend and will leave the link and discount code at the end). I’ve been drinking ridiculous amounts of water and taking it day by day. Days like yesterday I just applauded myself for getting through the day even though I spent the majority of the day in my bed, and today I felt good so I did more things for myself.

I never thought there would be a day that I would get sick and possibly never get better. I can only be “managed”. So I don’t try to dwell on it or ruminate. I am trying to find positives and be positive. I’m trying to take this as a turning point for my health. So let’s hope it sticks. But I think I need to get back into writing. Help me stay mentally sane as I embark this new unexpected journey. And maybe I’ll scavenger for a support group or forum.

But HAPPY NEW YEARS (Almost) LOVERS. And thanks for still reading my posts after all this time!

With Love,


Bee.


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Check it out: https://www.humnutrition.com and you can use my referral code 115D13 for $10 off!

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