Dear Heart Part Two

1:35 AM

Dear heart,

It's been quite a few months hasn't it? But we are making it through, still staying strong. We've had our ups and downs since my last post, but for the most part it's only been uphill.

Sure, we miss the boy. But the memories of the boy and what we used to be. It really is astonishing how much we had changed even together, but what was scarier was realizing how much I changed. I lost a part of who I was by trying to be someone I thought he wanted me to be.

But i'm happy. I really am because I can feel the difference. I'm more excited about things, big or small, and my goals and dreams are the utmost importance to me because at the end of the day I can only please myself. I've also started learning about what I want from life, from relationships, from school, from work, and all that jazz.

One step at a time, that's all you can really do when you try to heal. Sure, I still wonder who would ever want to put up with me and put up with a heart they didn't break, but I still hold on to hope that maybe someone out there will want to try. Someone out there wants to learn all about me and everything that makes who I am. They won't try to change me but will still make me better. They will not take care of me, but care for me because that's what I'm really looking for. I want adventure, fun, spontaneity, laughs, and endless memories that fill my head with wondrous thoughts. I want to feel the love they talk about, where when you kiss them you feel it in your toes. Where when you smile at them, they smile back not because they are happy, but because you are. I want surprises and little things like baking together or watching a thunder shower.

I want a best friend, who is more. I know it seems like a lot, but I only ask because I would do these things for the person. I would want to make them happy, because that would make me happy. And i'm tired of always being the one who puts in the work only to get burned. So this time I will not settle- I will wait.

But they're always dogs my little heart! They never disappoint and make us melt inside with their cuteness and cuddles!

I've also decided that this summer we shall focus on us and working together to be a stronger person. We have done well heart, building up that confidence. We now embrace how weird and sometimes not very girly I am! We are a unique combo that will require a unique person to put up with us.

So here is what I propose, a bucket list that I will actually complete! From small things to big things ! I shall add to it as time goes but I will post it up once it is complete.


but goodnight world!

Love, bee.

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