11:44 PM

Where?


The marbled ground chilled her thighs as she kneeled over with her face in her hands. The world seemed all too quiet for a second and the only thing she could hear was herself hiccuping from the tears. The setting was all too familiar. Crying on a bathroom floor began to feel like a routine.

The fluorescent lights shone brightly above her and she could soon hear the faint murmur of the fan kick in. She could hear the drips of water fall from the silver faucet and the quiet laughs come from the other side of the door. There's a world on the other side, she thought, that doesn't know what is going on in these four walls.

When?

December 11th. She repeated the date over and over and over again in her head. It felt like it was on repeat and wouldn't disappear. A constant reminder that what could have been shall never be. It could not. Would not. Should not. Deep down she knew this to be true, but it was as if her brain and heart were telling her two different things. How could it be so bad? But how could you put yourself through that again? Was what she wanted truly the right thing to do? What happens when the right thing and the thing you want most aren't the same? 

September 8th, 2011. That was the day it all began. 

December 11th, 2013 was the day it all ended. 

Funny thing time is, isn't it? Seems so slow and fast all at the same time.

How?

How did it happen? How could someone let such a thing happen?

She didn't really mean for it to happen. This was not how she pictured it, but as things started slipping she began to hold on too tight. As if to deny this being the end. She filled her heads with pretty, magical thoughts, telling herself that it couldn't possibly be true. They had to care, they just had to. But as time progressed and reality settled in, her own deception started to reveal itself. 

She could have avoided it all! All it would have taken was to simply utter the words "no". But she wanted to see what all the fuss was about. She wanted to feel as if she belonged to this secret little group. 

Belonging.

That's all she yearned for. And she thought she finally found a way; thought she finally found the secret. 

Silly girl, such fairytales don't exist. Leave the happy endings for your story books. It's easier that way, you don't end up feeling the way you do now. 

Who?

A boy. 

A boy caused all of this. She could not even believe it herself. She had vowed not to let things get like this. It was all too messy and she had seen it happen to many others.

But she couldn't help it, not when it came to him. It all seemed so perfect. He made her smile, laugh, and feel things she didn't even know were possible. He always said the right things and made her believe in a world of wonders. 

But what happens when he stops fighting and you're left holding on? How many times are you willing to get burned before you finally let go?

Her.

She forgot who she was. She spent all this time fighting for something he was already walking away from. She began to question what was wrong with her. She began looking at the girl in the mirror with disgust. What is wrong with you? You can't make anyone happy can you? She knew why he was letting go- she wasn't worth the fight. 

You have to be better.

You have to be better.

Now she's alone, left asking who am I?

What?

A heartbreak, caused by love.

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