Still Hurts Like Hell

1:32 AM

Dear Boys;

Fuck you. Not all of you, but most of you.

People ask me why I have trust issues, why I don't trust boys especially in high school because i've never been "in love".

a) you don't need to be in love to be hurt, and if you believe that then you're naive.
b) I didn't believe in love in high school cause I just wanted to have fun, so if that's a problem deal with it.

Yeah, i'm in a cranky mood. Why? Because it hit me once again about how dumb I am when it comes to guys.

Hey boys, girls eventually figure out what you really wanted, we're not stupid so just tell us before we find it out from other people. Tell us so we're not wasting our time expecting more when you never really wanted that from the beginning.

Here's a big fuck you to:

1) the guy who told me I was his world and how much he cared about me but yet constantly told me I was never good enough and made me believe it. To the guy who would rather get drunk and use my money to buy booze. Who got mad at me for having guy friends, but it was fine for him to go to movies and dinner with girls. Who destroyed any self confidence I had. Who told me I would never find anyone. Who thought he could just buy my affection. Who put me through hell and back and still after all this time think that I deserved it and that I got what I was asking for, even though you claim you've changed. I can't stand you and we will never be friends unlike the others. You destroyed me and everything I once knew I was and even now I still find myself picking up the broken pieces.

2) to the guy who I had a fling with for almost half a year. Yeah, maybe there were other complications involved but I tried to make you happy. I got you a birthday and a christmas present, even if it wasn't super extravagant and what I got was you stop talking to me for a month. I never knew how you felt. You liked to toy with emotions and make me feel vulnerable because you knew how much I liked you. I'm glad you regret not giving me a chance and now it's you telling me you miss me cause now you know.

3) to the guy who said all the right things and blamed it on bad timing. You knew how much I liked you and you used that against me and it worked. Telling me all the right things and making me feel special only to find out you said that to three other girls. Once a cheater always a cheater? Learnt that one.

4) the one guy who I thought was the sweetest most genuine guy ever. Who I could talk to for hours and gave me butterflies, who told me the cutest things, and who I thought was such a gentlemen. Who I had so much in common with, who walked me to class, who got me a gift that was thoughtful, who basically led me on for half a year only to take it all back. Yeah I got over it because I still cared about you and wanted to still be a part of your life even if it was just friends. You toyed with my emotions and played this stupid game. I kept my mouth shut when you moved on, pushed my feelings aside, and told you I was happy for you.

5) to the guy who had a fling with me and made me believe things were more than what they really were. Guess I should have known better since you were deciding between three of us. I'm glad I walked away when I did and secretly glad things never worked out between you and her and that she chose the other guy instead cause now you know what it's like

6) to the  guy who never gave me the chance and spends his time chasing the biggest bitch around, then complaining to me about how she treats you.

7) To the guy from summer who only wanted me for sex. It was fun while it lasted but i'm not easy, so find someone else.

But it's okay they'll never know this because I push this aside and stay friends with them. Yeah, i'm stupid I know. But it's fine because one day either karma will catch up with them or they'll come around and regret things. But it's too late because I finally found someone who makes me happy and cares.

So fuck you boys for playing games, making me cry, toying with my emotions, using me, make me feel inferior, changed me, make me build walls because I feel like I can't trust anyone and then telling me we can be friends. Sure, we can be friends but i'm not trying anymore. You want to be my friend then try and actually act like you give a crap and you care.

In the end I have no one else to blame for feeling this way because I keep letting you guys back in, hoping you've changed or you feel sorry, or just not being able to let go because I do want to be friends. Maybe one day you'll really know how I feel.

You Might Also Like