Who Needs Sleep...?

5:22 PM

I have gotten a total of 20 hours of sleep over the past weekend. and that seems like a lot, but 20 hours of sleep in three day..ermm not so much. where shall i begin?

well i passed the jealousy phase. i won't lie i was insanely jealous and stressing myself of what she have that i don't, but i'm coming to accept i cannot please the entire world. so now i'm no the next phase: worry/regret. i worry if i'm making a mistake, being his friend or not being his friend. i don't know which one will hurt more. maybe over time i'll know but for now i'm not really talking to him. 

well friday was Alice's 17th birthday, that girl makes my life haha. but yes i knew only five people there and by the end of the night we all got close (thanks to the slight help of booze).
yes i drank. HAHA no words for that. and we didn't sleep till after 3. it was such an interesting night, and i remember events but not conversations. 

however, i do remember crying over him, and i remember Joana, Crystal, Ryan, and Kaitlin comforting me. And then crystal cried, and then michele cried too... 4 times haha. booze makes our emotions out of control apparently. But i decided tears are wasted so often for the wrong people. i may not be accepting the whole issue yet, but i'm slowly getting there. i'm slowly accepting i can do better. that i don't need him. that i did nothing wrong, but i still find myself wishing things were different, that things went my way. but i can't control every aspect of my life, but i can control some things, like having a brilliant summer.

plans in no order:
1. finish english 30
2. write write write
3. bloggg
4. make new friends
5. hang out with my friends
6. work
7. choreograph dance
8. get out of my shell
9. search uni's and colleges
10. watch as many scary movies as possible
11. save for New York 
12. take lots of picutres
13. Go to B.C. : D
14. get a summer fling?
15.  be a better daughter/sister/cousin/friend/employee/student
16. have a crazy but good summer

sounds good so far right? i'm just going to live up each moment to the best, maybe not like its my last day, because well if it was my last day and i knew, gosh that'd be so stressful. i'd prob go crazy. but live like there's no one holding me back, no one controlling my fate. like i have control of my entire life. it's time for me to grow up and find myself. well thats a lie i know who i am,  i just need to believe that i am a good person who deserves the best. i need to believe in myself. and written down that sounds so easy, but in reality its a pain in the ass.

time to be at peace with myself.

we'll see !

but must go work on modules


68 days of summer left.

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