My Summer Wish

12:12 AM

I'm feeling indifferent. Probably cause i'm listening to They weren't there by Missy Higgins, such an emotional song. Love it.

But lately all i think about is summer. But i want this summer to be different. A summer to remember. You know the summer you look back at and it seems like it changed everything, but for the good. I want to be courageous and try things i'd never try, and no not get high and all that crap. I want a summer romance thing that you read about or see in movies, i mean its ALMOST happened twice but i was to afraid. I wanna make new friends, see new places. I want to become someone who is so sure of herself and can say what she really feels instead of hiding inside myself. I want to spend time with my five besties, all of us staying up till the morning being ourselves. I want to hangout with my dance family and have crazy sleepovers. 

I just want change. But then again everyone does.

And love, love comes with boys. and sometimes just the thought of boys makes me want to scream. they are so complicated.  and then i see what my friends go through with their boys and its either paradise or hell. and i know, you just need to find the right guy. like i was talking to my cousin and she's been going through hell.

her ex boyfriend has been calling her non stop and even drove to london to see her. london is 1 hour and 1/2 away. they'd gone out all of high school and all her friends thought they were the cutest thing ever, but our family despised him. he was creepy and to my uncle it was a problem that he wasn't portuguese. how typical. but she broke up with him after their grad cause she realized she didn't love him anymore. she thought she had to love him cause he was everything she knew, cause they'd ben together for so long. and of course calling it off drove him to become... creepier? he sent her e-mails, after e-mails, left phone msgs, sent cards, and even called her parents. boy just don't get letting go do they? it's like when something happens that they don't like they go on freak out mode and then try to make us feel guilty for doing it. sometimes sadly it works. 

but after seeing that it makes you wonder why we go through this or put up with it. maybe being single in some ways is better. for now at least. someday i'll find the one. but then again i'll never find the one if i keep hiding and running from relationships.

i'm so awkward with relationships. they scare me. its so weird to be so emotionally attached to someone. it's not the same as loving a brother or a pet, i'm pretty sure they wouldn't like being loved the same way you love your dog. "okay bob you can go outside now." "bob are you ready for a walk" "who's a goood boy, you are, yes you are bob." yeah i don't see that going, but guys are like babies. they need affection and attention constantly. 

maybe i'll find summer love, but i got to really want it. but maybe this summer being single and flirty works just as well, no need to worry about cheating.

see this? i just cannot make up my mind! We'll see how summer pans out, and i will for sure let you all know : ) 

and for those of you who didn't know i haven't had the time to post up the questions but if you check your loverly e-mail i did respond back ! i will keep the Boy Project updated as well as my summer.



77 days of summer left.

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