i'm mad at you. but you don't know it.

10:05 PM

How did this happen? I'm so ridiculously stupid. and these books, yeah not helping. my writing isn't helping either.


You know that feeling of never realizing how much you wanted something until you can no longer have it, it's kind of selfish if you ask me. I mean we had it once, but we chose to ignore it and then suddenly -poof- it's gone and we flip out and kick ourselves for not appreciating it more.

this "it" is a person just so you all know. -hits head on wall- technically i told him i liked him and her said he liked me and we almost had a thing but then somethings changed and we tried to be friends. but apparently that didn't work any better. we became more distant. and now i'm pretty sure he doesn't like me at all anymore, in fact i think he has moved on. so that ship has sailed. 

but i shouldn't care. i should be happy. hey it's summer! be single and flirt all i want, hook ups, no strings attached... that sounds kinda good right? and i thought that's what i wanted. i thought i just wanted a summer fling, something that isn't so serious and that i can handle with ease. but idk anymore cause when i logged onto facebook and saw all that, i felt my heart fall. i actually felt more hurt then i thought. and now i feel stupid, don't ask why cause i'm not sure right now.

and then i was going to write, but my rotten mood about boys will probably just sabotage my writing. cause lord behold i'm at the point where they realize they love each other and want to give it a shot, but if i write right now it'll end up like this.

she likes him.
he asks her out
she says yes.
he takes it back cause he likes someone else.
she sends hungry piranha's and rabid Chihuahuas after him.
he dies.
the end.

enchanting isn't it?

no i will not be sad over this. i refuse to be sad over him. he likes her fine. i will just stick with my summer fling idea, no strings attached, and he can go off in la la land with her and they can live happily ever after, and hell i'll even buy them a wedding gift and throw it at them and yell "congrats you deserve each other" then run away and become a nun. yes that is what i'll do. i'm sure my father will approve.

oh and then i will ban any boys from entering my magical world and drown myself in chocolate and scary movies/ books [stephen king preferably] because who needs love stories? we all know that in the end they end up together and fall in love in a matter of weeks, and their lives are just so perfect. And we only read them because we wish that could happen to us, and then we dream up these little fantasies only to be disappointed.

blaaah do you see this? are you witnessing this? 

this is me raging and blabbering cause idk how to feel.

so new summer plan, screw boys! if someone likes me fine, but i'm not dealing with them. it's either me being
 hamster lady or
 nun [i'm allergic to cats] 

good day dear readers!


76 days of summer left.

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