My Jumbled Up Speach

10:08 PM

Todaaay..... how would you put a day like this in one word. Shall I use interesting? Or maybe bizarre... well only in certain aspects. But today i felt off, kind of in the shadows. I didn't talk much, i just wasn't myself. I was really quiet, i almost felt like my ten year old self when i was the shyest person known to mankind.

I've never been the most confident person. I'm not that person that would volunteer to do something first, and when we do presentations at school im that girl who slips under her desk hoping she goes unseen. In fact i don't like my voice. Sometimes I get shy of that. I like to be optimistic, but hey im also realistic. Actually thats kind of a lie. I'm a dreamer. I like to imagine things before they actually happen. But the one places where I always find my confidence is that first step out onto the stage. I love the feeling of having people watching you, waiting for your next move. I love how when you're on the stage all you see is the bright lights, pounding down on you and blurring your sight so you can't see a single face. Dancing is something that i always enjoy. Its a way to express yourself, show who you are.

But I've never been able to carry that confidence outside the stage. Sure everyone has their moments. But I always do that thing where i'm like "damn i wish i had the nerves to say this or do that." But most of the time i don't. And today it felt like i was just, not myself.

And with that little blurb above comes the topic of Regret. Have you ever done something you wish you could take back? Or said something? Or even not do something? Now that i look back there's alot of things i would of changed. But I can't change the past, as much as I'd love to. Travelling in time is def. a super power i'd like. But then again if i changed things, i wouldn't know the people i know today, and some of the people i met are now a big part of my life.

But now about today, (sorry thats me just talking at the top of my head). We watching intervention today in psych after our test, which was too easy. My teacher cried. Well not like curled in a ball, Kleenex box half used, kind of cry. But like welling up and sniffling, which is huge because my teacher is very laid back and almost a sarcastic pessimist if you could say. I mean he's not all depressed, but very realistic and call its as it is. It was such an intense episode he wouldn't even let us leave for anything. But sometimes i wonder how some people could let it get that bad and most of the time they don't even have a tragic life. They just do it for fun.

Then all this friend drama occurred, wont even get into that. Sometimes i wonder why girls are so petty with each other, especially when its your close friends. Like get over yourselves. And then comes the boys and heartaches. I hate seeing friends sad, it makes me sad.

Speaking of boys, i think taking a break from them will do me some good. They make great friends you know, if you ever need a best friend find a guy one. They listen, give good advice, are honest, and bonus: they don't make silly drama, although from time to time they release their "Drama Queen" side. But summer is coming so maybe i'll wait till then. 2 months to think about boys all I wants sounds fine. But for now i dont know if i really want to deal with all that lovey dovey mush. Too much to do in so little time, busy busy busy!


Can't wait : )

SO many plans, i'll blog about those later. But for now I am off.

I know todays blog post, kind of everywhere. But that is how i feel today.


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