A Letter From What Seemed Like a Broken Heart.

12:42 AM

Its been awhile dear bloggers. Well this is the busiest time after all, dance competition season. I will have you know the play went AMAZING so that’s one thing off my wish list. And so far dance comps are great. In Lloyd we got all gold and extra awards (minus my solo: high silver). So basically, so far so good. In hip hop this week we got gold and choreo award.

But that’s not why I wanted to blog today.

Why do girls put themselves through so much for boys? Are they really worth it all? I mean when they cheat on us, we put the blame on the other girl first; and then the boy says sweet words and showers us with gifts and poof all gone. Or we fight with our best friend because of boys. Boys can tear apart friendship. We put boyfriends at the top of our priority list, always making sure we do the right thing, say the right thing. We make them the centre of our worlds, and when they hurt us; it hurts even more because we made them the centre. We stress about them. They drive us crazy with their stupid comments and stupid actions. With love we often act so stupid, and we even lose ourselves. We lose the sense of independence. I mean when they’re gone, it’s like we forget how to react on our own. We become lost and don’t know how to stand on our own two feet. Our worlds get turned upside down because of them.

But we still love them.

Maybe I’m saying this cause I never felt love. I mean boyfriend love and parent love is obviously very different. Besides the fact that one is unconditional. I mean love has so many meanings not even we can comprehend it all. Apparently eating chocolate and love send out the same chemicals from your brain, meaning you get the same feeling; so maybe I’ll adopt the idea of being an obese chocolate addict with 6787485435 cats, actually I’m allergic to them, so make it dogs.

If you haven’t gotten the message by now, I am in a crabby mood. Where in the right mind does toying with girls seem logical. We are very emotional beings, especially when mother nature arrives, which makes it oh so much better.

But lately no one has been having a terrific week, maybe its just national “time for life to screw you over” week. Lately the idea of just walking out on life seems tempting. I mean I don’t have a bad life, hey I have my problem here and there, but its pretty good can’t complain. But the thought of walking out, being someone else, starting over, and seeing if the world really gives a damn sounds pretty good. We all wonder how much we mean to the world, its normal. But I stress about it too much. I try to hard to impress people that apparently don’t deserve it, I push people away that seriously care about me (and I’m sorry), I’m way too nice, too naïve, sometimes to stubborn, and not confident. And these little flaws my friends, get me into trouble a lot. Especially lately. And maybe someday I’ll walk out that door, and just forget everything, but it will never be for too long cause

a. I have a family, that no matter what I can’t stop caring about.
b. I have some amazing friends that I could never find replacements for, it would be nearly impossible.
c. I’ve worked hard for some things, and starting over would be a waste.
d. Facing problems is the only way they go away. (Learned the hard way)

So for today and maybe awhile the thought oh a boy will send my body in riveting confusion, emotions ranging from anger to hurt to even desire. And maybe I’ll start working on growing a backbone and actually demanding what I deserve and giving what I should. Maybe I’ll adopt the idea of every morning saying “I am beautiful, I am smart, I am worth it.” cause it seems to work for people, then maybe I wont always stay on the side lines of life and allow people to walk all over me. Maybe I will follow my own advice, and not hide behind excuses and other peoples problems. Maybe I’ll start showing more people who I really am, because I do think I’m a great person, I’m just too scared that if I do, people will turn away. I don’t want to be alone, but then again, I don’t think I ever have been.

So thank you for the people who have been there always. Who have been there today. And especially to one person, who last year I didn’t think I’d ever be this close to, but she is my best friend. She is the most honest, GREATEST, and basically f-ing spectacular person I know because today she told me a lot of things I needed to be told. Showed me a lot, and most of all has shown she’s been there from the start and I adore her for it, cause without her I don’t think I would have been as happy as I am now. She made me cry to (in a good way) So thank you. I can’t say it enough.

So I hope to all that read this, that your problems find their solutions, that all your frowns eventually turn to smiles, that you do find some happiness, a true friend, that you never set your standards for yourself to be lower, to have your dreams become reality, and the best of luck. Because no matter what we all deserve happiness. Just sometimes our happiness is harder to find, and I know that when your fighting you want to give up. But don’t go through the tough, cry, yell, feel depressed, but always remember in the back of your mind, there is always hope. Even just a small amount, changes all.

Good night.


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