Please Hit Head Against Wall,

10:18 PM

No joke, want to hit head against wall. i know, i know, haven't blogged in awhile. and christmas is coming so should be uber excited for that. and i am. but right now i'm frusterated.

i worked so hard to pull away, so i wouldn't fall for him. not because i would get hurt form him, because he was going out with someone and i would just hurt myself. so i pulled away even tho he was a great friend. then i started missing our friendship and we talked occasionally, but nothing more than that. i could handle that. but then a few days ago he sprung the whole " i miss us being friends, we should hangout more." and me being stupid said "why not" jumping in thinking, "so over him" but a part of me isn't. and i always say "i'm so happy for you" but thats so damn hard at times. but i'll shut up, smile, and say yes you two are perfect for eachother, cause really they are. we all see it. i can't deny it even.

then this boy likes me. he's so sweet and everyone is like "just go for it" and i want to, but i can't. i'm scared. i dont know if i want a boyfriend. i really dont know. i hate intimacy. its so awkward with me. i get awkward, i feel like its jumping so fast. but i'm going to cut you short. i'll prob update with random stuff in like a few, but for now chow : )

2 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS WOOT

xoxo

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