Inspiration

8:33 PM

I suddenly felt inspired.....

She stood on the paved road looking out to the moon, cold and luminous, waiting for him. He should of been here six minutes ago but she got his text, traffic. what a lie. she knew it was a lie. there is no traffic at ten o'clock in the evening. most likely he was with her, his secret lover. well it wasn't a secret really. she knew. she knew for weeks. he just doesn't know she knew. she ran her cold fingers across her forehead, shaking. from the fear and the fact that it was minus ten. snow was lightly falling, landing on her long eyelashes and across her shivering frame. she heaved out a sigh crossing her arms and leaning on the bus stop pole. her breath fogged before her and she studied it intently. it was amazing how her breath was visible but only for seconds. like her. the first time she met him, she was his world. then he drifted and he became her world. it hurt her sure, but she couldn't let him go. well she thought she couldn't until his secret lover annouced she was pregnant. 2 weeks in. it was obvious it was his baby. this news tore her. she was so broken; shattered. no one could mend her back. not family pr friends. she knew she was drifting away but she didn't leave him. she thought she couldn't, he was her world. so she sucked it up, each day telling she loved him and that he was her world. and each day he would kiss her lips, softly, and her stomach would flutter and her mind would drift. it was the closest thing to magic. it was bliss. but then everyday she saw her lump grow bigger and bigger, and suddenly that feeling of bliss faded, replaced by torement. but she still never left him. after all he was her world. months passed, and still she was by his side. even when he pushed her away, left her overturned, and even abused emotionally and physically. she was always there, even when her baby started growing, kicking, moving. she was there when he told her his friend was in the hospital so he couldn't go over to her house. the next day she facebooked she had a baby girl yesterday. she was always there, because he was her world. she shook her head from the flash backs. she slowly closed her eyes, holding back the tears, but they streamed down her face, warm and salty, uncontrolably. her body shook. her slender figure slid down the pole and she wrapped herself into a protective ball. she knew he was pulling in. she could feel his presence. it wasn't a warm presence like it was back when they first dated. it was a cold and secretive presence. a dangerous presence. she collected enough strength to pull herself up. she didn't bother to clean herself up, he deserved to see the pain he caused her. the amount of wieght she lost because of him, the sacrfices she made for him even if they costed her. but he wouldn't care he never would. she heard his car door slam, and his heavy steps walk towards her. she could smell him, musky and clean. the smell made her knees go weak and her heart pound harder. you can do this. she looked into his eyes, expecting to be lost but she wasn't. his eyes showed he was annoyed and tired. what do you need? he asked acidicly. you were my world. her eyes met his. she was no longer weak. she was worn out and done with feeling this way. she had the power to move on. it would be hard, but she would live. he wasn't ever her world. she just forgot how to love herself so she turned to him to love her. thats all it ever was. she wanted the attention, she wanted to know she was pretty like all the other girls. she wanted to be special. she needed reassurance. but she didn't need that anymore, because she knew. she knew she was better than him. she took his strong hand in hers, the hands that loved her, cared for her, supported her, hurt her, left marks on her, left marks on her. she leaned into his body, smelling him once again. his body was so solid, she used to tease him and say it was her body. like she owned him. he was only hers. but that was never true. she stepped back from him and looked at him one last him. the wind blew furiously around them, the snow falling harder. a tear rolled down, causing a tingling sensation against her cold cheek. you were my world, but now your hers. please always let her be your world. don't forget her. give her love. attention. give the baby love. attention. they need you. but i, i don't need you. i did need you at one point. to show me how to love myself, because i couldn't do that on my own. but now i know how. but she still doesn't love herself. she needs you to do that. so please show her how to love herself, before you push her away and love someone else. with those words, she turned her heels and walked away. she didn't walk away from love, or a mistake. but walked away from pain to a whole new world. a world that would love her as much as she loved it.

xoxo

Bee.

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